There is a world outside my room. A world I used to know. It’s unfamiliar now. I can hardly remember it.
These four walls are my world today. Two windows, curtains drawn, blinds closed. I seldom look out there now. Sometimes I see the sun dimly through layers of fabric and distorted misty eyes. A door lies opened wide, I cannot see beyond its bordered saddle to my hall. Shadows pass by. “What time of day is it?” I ask myself. Wakened from perpetual sleep, I cannot tell the time. Be it day or night? Is it light or dark in my room? Primitive measures are all that’s left. Light is day. Dark is night. Clearer definitions are denied me. I cannot see my watch. I have no ticking clocks. My world is silent.
I know the time when the shadow brings my weetabix and milk, this is morning time. Supper shadows bring me tea and soda bread with steps of butter – just the way I like it! Lunch and dinner shadows are harder to define. The shadows soon disappear as I sink back into slumber; when I awake all traces are gone. It could be anytime. It could be any day. I cannot tell within my room, within my world of now; a world of mist and muffled sound. A world of thoughts, dreams and imaginings.
It wasn’t always so. Three years ago I lived outside my room. Seventy eight years of living went on outside my room. I lived a full life outside my room, a life I look back on now. I recall my early days; I see them in my mind. Mother, father, sisters and me – the only boy. I went to school; served my time as a butcher; started my own business; met Sally; married her and raised three children together. In the world outside my room I had a busy and productive life, saw my children grow, find careers, find love, marry and have children of their own. I worked, I played, I partied, I danced, I ate and drank, I travelled. I did ordinary things. I drove my car. I could see my watch and hear the ticking clocks.
As I lie here, in the silence, with my thoughts, looking out at the world outside my room, I am more and more conscious of the presence of the Lord. As time blends into eternity and the shadows come and go I am reminded of His promise:
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1